There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
