im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
