You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
