I'm going to jail i love you
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
