The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
