I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
