I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
