i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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