If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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