I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
