After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
