Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
