Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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