Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
