So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
