The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
