Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
