why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
