3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Hello my rib-scented angel!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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