why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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