I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
