i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
