the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
