thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I have aggressive nipples.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
