I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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