conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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