yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
