I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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