I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
