Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
