We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize