my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
