Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
