Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
