drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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