My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
