dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
