I'm really into asian looking animals
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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