um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
