They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
