so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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