Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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