My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
