I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize