if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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