So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
