Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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