EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
