would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
