There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
