Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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