Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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