I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
