the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
