Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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