things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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