On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
