New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
