You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
