Dual....:-)
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Soap is not a condiment
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
COCAINE IS GR8
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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