I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
