im drinking this country out of the recession.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
