If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
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