Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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