i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
