This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
