tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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