I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
