we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
