There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
