He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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