I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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