dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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