your thong is hanging out like whoa
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
